I confess......

Reagan is sitting at the table slapping her spilt milk, making a huge milky mess. Grant is in the bathroom washing all the sea shells and sudsing up the countertop. Jefferson is playing with (more like pulling) my hair and trying to put a rubber band in it. And I continue to sit here at the computer screen zoning out. I think it's perfectly okay to "check out" every once in a while.
Bad mom or good mom?
Yesterday's Oprah (yes, I LOVE Oprah) was particularly good because she talked about mothers. She featured moms who were breaking the silence on what motherhood is really like for them. I agree that moms put on their "life-is-perfect" face when they leave the house, I've done it. Hearing other moms finally let the truth out was very validating.... this is a tough job, and no one is perfect. Why are we comparing ourselves to other moms, who are actually comparing themselves to us? I loved the idea of a "judgement free zone" and I felt inspired to make my own list of mommy confessions:

• In the car, I sometimes turn the radio on really loud (front speakers only) so I can't hear my kids
• I put Reagan to bed at 6:30 and the boys at 7pm so that I can have free time to myself
• My kids don't bathe as often as they probably should. I save that huge undertaking for when they are "really" dirty.
• When they were younger I would tell them that the candy/treats in the check-out line were for dogs and cats (sadly, doesn't work anymore)
• After buckling them into the car, I stay outside of the car for a minute by myself (for a breather) before I get into the car myself
• I often forget to: put on sunscreen, brush teeth, say prayers, change diapers, feed lunch, give vitamins
• Grant is wearing Reagan's diapers because I haven't gone to the store to get him more of his size
• I have been known to lie to doctors and nurses about my kids in order to avoid the hassle, "yes, Grant is eating his full servings of fruits and veggies"
• I have buckled my kids into their car seats when they wouldn't stay on time out
• I throw away their school/art work when they don't know about it
• I don't clean up toys/house until I know Shawn is on his way home (or someone is visiting)
• I have used nursing the baby as an excuse to sit on the couch and not do anything.... "Shawn, could you change Grant's diaper, I'm feeding the baby"
• I have dropped my kids off at the Fred Myers Playplace when I didn't even have shopping to do. I just walked around the store aimlessly, enjoying my free hour
• Have fed my kids lunch by going to Costco and eating all the samples (sometimes twice)
• There's been times I haven't given them Tylenol when they've been sick because they sleep more without it
  

So, there you have it, I've come clean, and feel pretty good about it too. I think of myself as pretty realistic about motherhood, but it can be hard admitting things to other moms. Especially when we're all trying to do it ALL and be PERFECT at everything! That perfect mom is really hard to keep up with.

So, having this fresh on my mind, I was reading a new book of mine, "Broken Things to Mend" by Jeffery R. Holland and came accross his chapter entitled, "Because She Is a Mother" adapted from his talk given at general conference, April 1997. A MUST READ for all LDS mothers, and non-lds too :-) What perfect timing. On the days when I feel most inadequate for this calling of motherhood, to read his encouraging words... I felt he was describing ME:

"I especially wish to praise and encourage young mothers. The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. The young years are often those when either husband or wife-or both- may still be in school or in those earliest and leanest stages of developing the husband's breadwinning capacities. Finances fluctuate daily between low and nonexistent. The apartment is usually decorated in one of two smart designs: Deseret Industries provincial or early Mother Hubbard. The car, if there is one, runs on smooth tires and an empty tank. But with night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue. Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island."

"Cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent."

"You are doing terrifically well. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be."

"You are doing God's work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even - no, especially - when your days and your nights may be most challenging."

So, while Reagan (and the floor) is completely covered with milk, the soap dispenser has been emptied and the bathroom is a disaster, and my hair is ratted and gnatted from the sticky fingers of my son..... I take joy in knowing that I am a Mother. Not a perfect mother, because she doesn't exist, but a mother doing the very best I can with all my heart. Those confessions are small things in the big picture. I think love for our children outweighs whether or not we've thrown away that scribble-of-a-picture they drew in preschool. As filthy as my kids are from not bathing in over a week, they know that they are truly cherished and cared for by a mother who is raising them with the help of the Lord. And for that, I vote, GOOD MOM!